GENEROUS FEMALE VILLAINS GIVE FREELY IN THEIR “BUY NOTHING” GROUP

Cersei Lannister – Admin says

Congratulations! Your request to join this Buy Nothing Facebook group has been approved. While other Buy Nothing groups welcome all local neighbors, our group is limited to approved villains who identify as female. 

In this group, feel free to post:

• Goods or services to share, loan, or give away
• Requests for goods or services
• Expressions of gratitude
• Discussions sparked by the above

We do not allow referrals to any person or resource located outside the group.

As a villain, you may pride yourself on breaking rules, but remember this: when you play the game of Buy Nothing, you follow these tenets, or you die.

What will you give or receive today?

 

Amy “Gone Girl” Dunne posts

To gift: 

Two 23andMe DNA test kits, unopened. My sister-in-law gave these to my children for Christmas. She slipped the kits into their stockings when she thought I wasn’t looking. DID NOT appreciate. While I’m all for digging into one’s past, our family knows everything we need to about ours. Your turn!

Serena Joy: @AmyDunne you have nothing to fear, for children are a blessing—no matter how they get here.

Bridget Jones: Please consider me! I really need this.

Amy Dunne: @CerseiLannisterAdmin why is @BridgetJones here? Villains only, no?

Cersei Lannister – Admin: @BridgetJones had every freedom I ever wanted and squandered them all by writing endlessly about dieting, men, and drinking. She’s worse than my imp brother. Definitely a villain.

Norma Bates: Would love one of the kits for my son, Norman. He is so fixated on me these days; perhaps a new genealogy hobby would help.

 

Beldam “Other Mother” posts

Gifting these mismatched single buttons, as all my handiwork requires matched sets. Prompt pickup near Pink Palace Apartments, please.

 

The Witch from Hansel and Gretel posts

To gift: an assortment of bakeware and a well-loved copy of Cooking Light Kids. I’ve become far too plump, and I am going to give this vegetarian thing a try. Contactless pickup outside the candy cottage in the Great Woods. 

Beldam “Other Mother”: I would love to be considered!

Bridget Jones: If there’s a biscuit sheet and @BeldamOtherMother doesn’t need it, I’d be thrilled to have it.

 

Lady Whistledown posts

Does anyone have a Met Gala invitation they’re not using?

Miranda Priestley: PM me.

 

Serena Joy posts

Wishing for Lily of the Valley perfume. It has become hard to find in Gilead, so any brand would be appreciated. TIA.

 

Hela says

Gratitude post! Wouldn’t be where I am now without this incredible Buy Nothing group. When I got out of prison, several wonderful women here gifted me an indestructible stag’s crest headpiece and two like-new Necroswords. Now I have everything I need to claim my rightful place in the universe, which I will do right after I find Thor (my stupid brother) and break the hammer he borrowed without asking.

 

Snow White’s Stepmother posts

Siri I’ve pressed the microphone button I am gifting this anti-aging cream used one time Siri why won’t you send

Harley Quinn: @SnowWhitesStepmother if you’re having trouble using Siri, you might consider an Apple tutorial. Lots of good free ones on YouTube.

Snow White’s Stepmother: @HarleyQuinn I already know plenty about apples Siri send

Cersei Lannister – Admin: @HarleyQuinn no outside referrals per group guidelines. The above comment will be deleted. This is your final warning.

 

Harley Quinn posts

Offering a gift of self. Happy to help SOMEONE make Siri behave, or I will disable her for you.

Snow White’s Stepmother: I accept this offer Siri send

 

Annalise Keating posts

I know there are no amateurs here, but I’m happy to offer a gift of knowledge for anyone who wants to know how to get away with murder.

Amy Dunne: May I PM you?

Annalise Keating: @AmyDunne, of course!

 

Bridget Jones posts

*Flash gifting* What does one do with five extra pints of ice cream? Share them, of course! Bit past the expiration date, but they don’t seem to have gone off yet. I’ll leave them on the front porch in a cooler.

 

Annie Wilkes posts

Gifting my sledgehammer, barely used. For an enthusiastic reader, I’m also gifting together a copy of Paul Sheldon’s latest book (I’m his number one fan), an ax, and a blowtorch. Hate to let this book go, but my cockadoodie therapist is making me. 

Malice: Keep the book. If my therapist suggested giving up my Black Panther comics, we’d have a problem. Some people just don’t understand fans.

 

Villanelle posts

To gift: Handcrafted artisanal perfume, returned to me by my friend, Carla, who turns out to be so “allergic,” it took her breath away. Lightly scented like lilies. Going to let this one simmer and will pick recipient at random.

Harley Quinn: I’d love to have this for my boyfriend.

Annie Wilkes: This would be a godsend. Paul would love it.

Amy Dunne: @SerenaJoy, will this work for you? Praise be!

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P.J. Powell: writer, Buy Nothing groupie, Patron Saint of slumber parties. Creatorology.com